Im trying to find some peace of mind. Which is hard to do when Im right in the middle of being pregnant or not. I felt so good after being able to have my two embryos transferred. Having that small win gave me a high, although it was short lived. The things that you think about during this waiting period. Should you try and be positive? Should you try and be realistic? Was all this worth it? Can you go through this again? What if Im not pregnant and Im still getting injections every morning for nothing. Will it be a let down to tell all my friends and family it didn't work?
The best thing you can do during this time is keep busy and avoid going on line. Well I already messed one of those up by googling every little question I had. Its hard not to. In fertility terms I am 8dp2dt ( isn't funny how there is a secret language?) which means that I am 8 days past a 2 day transfer. And I feel great physically. I feel like I should start having some type of symptoms at this point if I were pregnant. The only issue with this is that I am currently taking progesterone injections and the symptoms for that is basically pregnancy symptoms. So even if you think you could be, it could just be all the hormones you're injecting yourself with. It sucks. Like I said I have been feeling really good physically. I have had maybe some minor symptoms but again Im not sure if Im being hyper sensitive. I do feel tired. Like this morning Im suppose to be getting ready for the 4th of July. I don't want to do anything. I don't even feel like seeing people truth be told. My boobs have been starting to feel sore but really not that bad. Sometimes I feel like I get small bouts of nauseia but again these are ALL symptoms/side effect of the medications I am on. I have read so many stories of people having no symptoms and having twins. You can really research anything to make it sound similar to your own story, thats why the internet can be a bad thing during the TWW. To be completely honest I don't think Im pregnant at all. If there was a scale of thinking I was pregnant, 10 being pregnant and 1 being not…..Im at a level 1 right now. It just seems to impossible that it would work, especially on the first try. In this case I really wish that we would of had some eggs to freeze, but that just wasn't in the cards for us. So if we get a failed beta test this next week that means we will have to consider going through this whole thing again.
The blood work that Ill be getting done on Monday is called a Beta test. They will be testing my HCG which is the pregnant hormone. What really sucks is that they will test me on Monday but they don't give you any results, I have to go back in on Wednesday to test again. I guess they want to see if the levels are going up. So I think by Wednesday afternoon I should have my results. I want to know and I don't want to know. Its a lot of build up. I have read that a HCG level of anything above 5 can be a sign that you are pregnant. Some girls take HPT (Home pregnancy tests) at this point but I just don't think I am there. In my gut I know it will not have two little pink lines and I just don't think I can deal with that right now.
Zac and I might try and get away on the 10th. I know that family and friends will be wanting to know the results of the tests but I think I might tell them we aren't going to say anything until we have time to process the news wether its positive or negative. Until then Im trying to keep distracted and busy the best I can but it seems to be easier said then done. As for now I am going to try and get moving for the day because even though I just want to lay back down in bed I know if I force myself to get going it will be better for me. I guess the next time I will be writing in here will be letting you know the big news.
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